Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
