she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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