Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
