If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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