Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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