Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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