Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
