You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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