so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
