Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
