that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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