direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
