i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
