He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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