just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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