I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
