I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
