Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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