you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
