A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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