ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
