explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
