bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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