is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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