Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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