I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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