just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
