Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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