Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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