if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
two words...techno handjob
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
