i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
