He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
