Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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