So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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