She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
