So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
