I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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