you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
