A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
