I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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