so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
