I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
