Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
