I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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