I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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