I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
