You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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