i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize