plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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