I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
