sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize