4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Barsexuality is the new black.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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