My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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