Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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