oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
