I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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