I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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