Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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