dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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