Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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