Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
