well you can't waste a boner
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
