I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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