According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
40s are totally the cure
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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