They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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