My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
