He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
