a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
